Category: The Move

We can’t return, we can only look behind
From where we came
And go round and round and round
In the circle game.

“The Circle Game” – Joni Mitchell

We now live in a new community. No matter how lovely your previous home was, you cannot go back. Who would want to go back to the worry and fear about being left as a widow in that huge house? It snowed the first week we moved into our villa. I lay on my bed, looking out the window at the falling snow and felt a strong sense of peace and well-being. The move was over and we had landed at last. Today the house is arranged and Kiki is happy. She was a big worry for me. It turns out that she is quite popular. She enjoys her two walks a day with no cars. Visitors come and go, always petting her. I look back, but I don’t feel any desire to go back. I’ve had years of having to do hours of housework and cleaning so many houses. Like Emily in “Our Town,” I would like to go back to my parents’ house on Clinton Street for one day. I think that the emotions would be too painful, so I’ll stay in the present. Jim just took Kiki for a walk and a man is cutting our grass. No going back, Carolyn.

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

James 4:14

The decision to move to a CCRC is coupled with an acceptance that we are truly going to die. This is not an easy thing….to hold two distinct beliefs…that you should live fully after this move and yet you are probably going to die here.  Well, you have to die somewhere. We lived on a small drive surrounded by six other houses.  Ten years in our house while there were 5 deaths, one house fire (a total loss), one cancer case, one stroke, and one heart attack survivor on our short street.  Death is everywhere. It doesn’t care that you live in a CCRC. It can find you when the time comes. We already have our plot and funerals paid for, but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept the inevitable. Jim said it best: “This is NOT a nursing home.”  There is one, though, if and when we need it.  Assisted Living, Skilled Nursing, Hospice, then mercifully and finally, Your Flight is on Time.

Storage will always be a problem for renters, and our villa is a rental. The house we moved from had a large crawl space, which we did not use, and lots of attic space. Funny how quickly an attic can fill up. After all, you’re taking stuff up there only one box at a time. When it came time to move, I spent two afternoons pulling the stuff back down and then vacuuming the entire area. Not fun.

Much of what I pulled down went to auction or into the dumpster. Actually, dumpsters, plural. The city we lived in dropped off a 3-cubic-yard dumpster, which I filled, and later another, which I also filled. Some of the items I tossed probably could have gone to the auction or a yard sale, but it was January, and I didn’t have the patience for any of that.

Our villa has a one-car garage with a single shelf on each side, extending the full length of the garage. A lot of storage space, but nowhere near enough. So, multiple trips to Lowe’s for plastic storage shelves that couldn’t be more than 14 inches deep, or the car wouldn’t fit in the garage!

If you’re going to be buying new beds when you move into your villa or apartment, consider one that has storage space underneath. One of our beds has just such a thing, and we’ve put its storage space to good use. The other bed has about 3 inches of clearance underneath, and probably will be replaced in the near future.

The lesson to be learned here is, as I’ve written before, downsize BEFORE you move, and bring bookshelves with you, if you have them. Unlike moving from one house to another, moving to a villa/apartment will most likely be about a four-month process to get completely settled in. Even with tremendous planning, you’ll probably be making multiple trips to Goodwill, a consignment store, or the local landfill after your move.

Thanks to our downsizing BEFORE we moved, the recently-emptied moving van pulled away from our villa by mid-afternoon. Nothing to see here, folks, just a bunch of boxes and two exhausted renters. Truth be told, the place was a disaster! The kitchen was totally inaccessible and the TV sat, unplugged, on the living room floor. We should have gone out to eat, but didn’t want to abandon our dog, Kiki, after uprooting her from the only home she had ever known. We knew that setting up the villa would go so much more smoothly with only half of our possessions.

CCRC villas and apartments are smaller than you might like. Our villa is half the size of our previous home, though the kitchen (pictured at left) is comparable to our old one, and possibly even a little larger. Getting rid of half your possessions isn’t as hard as you might think. Decide what you want to take and auction off the rest! To accomplish this, draw a schematic of your new villa/apartment and lightly draw furniture in the rooms with a pencil. I used a software program to do this and got a computer virus for my troubles! When everything has been placed, you’ll quickly see what must be auctioned or sold. The money we made from the auction was used to buy new smaller pieces of furniture that were more appropriate for the villa.

This post is kinda personal, as it shows a major failure on my part to consider everything that I might need at our new home. Chalk it up to my being a guy, thus not likely to ask around the new neighborhood before our move to find out what sorts of things I might need. When we moved, we auctioned off every last garden tool I had, and believe me, I had one of everything. I didn’t realize, nor did I even ask the question, that each villa has an area in front and in back that is the owners to do with what he or she wants. The person who lived in our villa before us was not a gardener, so I had basically a blank slate to work with.

For a small fee to cover the cost of the lumber, the maintenance staff at Otterbein Pemberville built me two 2’x6′ flower/vegetable boxes. At the local nursery, I found a wide assortment of hostas, spireas, tomato plants, and annual flowers. And, you guessed it, I had to buy new garden tools to plant and care for them.

So, the advice I have in this post is to take a close look at the new villa or apartment, ask the neighbors lots of questions, and find out BEFORE you downsize your household what you are likely to need when you move. I didn’t think it through, and I really regret it.

You will move things you don’t need.  Things will get lost until found, if ever.  You will make purchases that won’t work.  Every day more packages arrive.  You will give away what doesn’t work.  Furniture will be moved around until things finally settle.  It will take far longer to organize your home than you expected.  You will encounter frustration as you struggle with new appliances.  You had a gas stove, now an electric stove.  You will have to organize and sort everything you brought with you to make your life easier.  Jim contrives and builds creative solutions, including a small patio fence for Kiki.  Kiki seemed to be at home the moment she walked in the door.

Do not wait too long to make this move.  It was clear that the house was too much for us.  We weren’t even using all of the rooms.  Jim struggled with the huge property summer and winter.  The yard work was endless.  We did not want either one of us to be left alone in our house.  It was packed full along with a 2-car garage and an attic.  No basement, thank God.  Give away treasures, even jewelry, to family or friends who will enjoy them.  Purge your stuff ruthlessly.  I struggled with about 300 clothes hangers after the move.  We brought too many towels and bedding.  You will be so glad later that you got rid of so much useless weight.  As for the auction, you will be lucky to break even after all the new things you will buy for your villa.  Have you ever had to clean out a house after a loved one’s death?  It is horrible.  We refused to leave that last chapter for our family or children.  No one should have to do that job.  At least here there is a small space which makes it difficult to fill it with things you don’t need anymore.  I did have to buy a pancake turner at the Dollar Store after the move. Be sure to take two with you.

We visited a number of retirement communities.  The one we chose was a large complex and we felt at home there,  plus we could afford the fees and monthly rent.  One problem,  though.  We had a large four bedroom three bath ranch home.  I had my own private bathroom.  I refused to share a bathroom and demanded a two bath villa.  We got a call in a few months that here was a villa available, but alas, only one bathroom.  I was asked if we wanted it.  I said yes.  I had been thinking, who was I to demand my own bathroom? How unreasonable.  Believe it or not, that has not been a problem in any way as Jim and I are on different schedules for showers, etc.  Lavender scent sticks, some scent spray and you’re all set.

In Greek mythology, there were three Fates: Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos. Clotho, the spinner, was the youngest of the three goddesses of fate; she spun the thread of fate with a distaff, determining when a person was born; Lachesis measured the length of the thread to determine the length of life; finally, the cruel Atropos cut the thread of life, determining the time of death.

Jim adjusted long before I accepted what we had done.  I think women have a harder time making a move to a retirement community.  All of the objects I had kept and protected all those years were gone.  Well, not all.  I took the things I could not live without.  Things….those with shelves or drawers because our new home would be very small.  All of the rest went to auction and away it all flew like down from a thistle.  Well, almost all.  Two days before turning the house keys over to the new owner, we were left with a TV cabinet that sold, but was never picked up.  We got rid of it by offering it to a vintage store free.  We even delivered it to him!

What can you expect from the stress?  Possibly a severe attack of hives, extreme sleepiness and a sense of living in an altered state for a while.  After the move, I slept….and slept…and napped…thereby proving to myself that I was truly old and belonged here.  Then without warning, the idea of a nap seemed rather dim-witted.  It was all part of adjusting.  Next I will tell you about two angels who came to my door, and how and why we made this decision.