Residents – Not the Final Chapter

Don’t Gawk

“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

My mother would admonish me if I stared at people with disabilities. She would say, “Don’t gawk!” When you come here, you will see people in all stages of aging, including those who need assistive devices to get around. You will not see children, babies, teenagers or motorcyclists. At first it was shocking to see some of the people who are really old. I didn’t think I belonged here. I have trouble walking and tire easily. Jim always says, “There’s a reason we’re here.” There are many more women residents than men. Some people tell you the same story or ask the same questions again and again. You have to be patient. Be compassionate. We are one of the lucky couples still together. I take care of the house and organization. Jim does all of the heavy lifting. I feel like a whiny little b—h when I see others here who are alone or frail. You will think at first that you made the wrong decision. What are your other options? Stay in your home into your eighties and let someone else decide where you will go? You can choose your own CCRC while you are still healthy in mind and body. Just remember, when you first move in, “Don’t Gawk!”

Making New Friends

Early in the evening of our first day in our new home, there was a knock at the door, and our dog, Kiki, made sure we knew there was someone standing outside. That’s how we met Jackson and Betty, our neighbors on our left. In an instant, we had new friends. When you meet kindred spirits, it’s almost magical how quickly you can bond with them. Jackson and Betty were just completing their fifth year at Otterbein Pemberville, and needed us as much as we needed them, as the residents on our court were getting a little long in the tooth. Within days, the four of us were setting up activities and planning future outings. Jackson is a retired contractor/builder and has considerable handyman skills that helped us negotiate the usual hiccups that go with any move. Carolyn has written in a separate post of how we met our other neighbors, Debra and Paul, so I won’t go into any detail about that here.

When I joined the Army after high school, I was thrown into a mix of every race, creed, and education level, and all of us got along fine, because we were “soldiers.” In a CCRC, all residents are essentially equal, kinda like the Army, though without the regimen and drill sergeants! The rule I live by to get along with all my neighbors is to leave religion and politics at the front door. Friendships without politics or religion can be deep and rewarding. What really counts is intellect, and there’s plenty of it in a CCRC. What you have in common with all the residents is that you made the choice to live there.

You’ll make new friends easily, and you don’t have to give up your old ones. A CCRC is a great equalizer, because basically nobody has any more than anyone else. You’ll be surrounded by people of pretty much the same social and economic class as you, because your fellow residents have probably the same amount of money as you, and in the USA, that’s what defines you, like it or not. Besides, the rich will go their own way.